by Darpan Sachdeva
“The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non -essentials.” -Lin Yutang
The road to saying “no” in life is a tough one.I consider its very important in life to be able say that “NO” now to get the better “YES” in life at later stage.
“No” – it’s a small word that packs a lot of power. It carries with it an invisible force that can make it feel like overly oppressive, or even like a dirty word. We’re often taught that saying “no” is a negative thing, that it hurts those around us and causes us to miss out on new, exciting opportunities. It’s no wonder so many people are uncomfortable saying it. But the truth is, when you say “no,” you’re not saying “I hate you,” and you’re not insulting someone, you’re simply exercising your right to say “no.” Because it is a right, not a privilege as says Tony Robbins.
By saying No now to things and people you are creating for your self space to get the bigger YES that so matters to you a little further down in life.
One of the most difficult things about saying “no” is getting FOMO (fear of missing out). But let’s really think about the benefits of saying no. As long as you don’t go overboard, it’s a chance for you to be more productive.
The direct hit on benefits in the power of saying “no” from life perspective are:
-Time to do whatever you’ve put on the back burner. -Power to be more in control of your life. -Confidence to say no more often.The first time is the hardest. -Safety from overextending yourself. -opportunities you didn’t even know were out there. Since you are more available, you’ll find them.
“Make your peace with the fact that saying “no”often requires trading popularity for respect” -Greg Mckeown,Essentialism
If you are suffering from a feeling of overwhelm,it might be useful to ask your self the following two questions:
1.In the midst of overwhelm,is life not showing me exactly what i should subtract? 2.Am I having a breakdown or a breakthrough?
As Ryan Holiday writes about this in his famous stoic philosophy based book “The obstacle is the way“.
This does not mean seeing problems ,accepting them and leaving them to fester.Nor does it mean rationalizing problems in to good things .To me it means using pain to find clarity.If you examine well the pain ,it will guide you what to excise from your life.
Step one above is to figure out that major part of the source (people and activities)of negative emotions coming in life.
Step two is to identify for my self very distinctly what is the worst case scenario if i stop doing what i am doing now and how could i undo any damage by my not doing or saying “no”
In his book The Power of No, entrepreneur and author James Altucher writes: “When you say yes to something you don’t want to do, here is the result: you hate what you are doing, you resent the person who asked you, and you hurt yourself.” When it is coming from a place of subtle manipulation or even resentment, can saying yes when you mean no ever be a good thing?
If you are still struggling to say no, bear in mind what the billionaire businessman Warren Buffet famously said: “Successful people say no to almost everything.” Saying no allows you to say yes to what is important to you. It allows you to be a better person because when you say yes, it comes from a good place, not from resentment or fear. It creates space for what matters most to you, rather than drowning in business, like most of us are .
And consider this:
If you said no more, what could you say yes to? More self-care, better mental health? More time with your family,friends and loved ones? Working on your passion project? Allow the possibilities to inspire your no.
However, a life full of NO’s is often a life full of missed opportunities and unexplored possibilities. And for this very reason, it’s important to understand the value of saying YES more often.
